"But I Didn't Do Anything Wrong!"

"Are you sorry for what you did or are you sorry you got caught?" My teacher/father/mother/coach/whoever stares at me and waits.
I'm sorry I got caught, obviously. Instead, I say, "I'm sorry for what I did." My teacher/father/etc continues to look at me, studying my face; he tries to discern if I'm telling the truth or not. He wants me to feel that I am sorry, the sorriness that I claim I feel. He is appeased with my omission...for now. With one last stern look, he walks away, leaving me with my shame of the crime I committed. Wait, not for what I did, but for getting caught. When I arrive home, my mother has obviously by now heard the news of her disobedient child, she reiterates the same question: what am I sorry for? Despite my height on her, I can feel her looking down on me. My brother, however he found out, joins in the shaming. I retreat to my room to escape their damning gazes. Around 7, I tentatively venture out, eyes peering around the corning, hoping to be alerted their presence before they take notice of mine. It doesn't work. They see me and immediately stop what they are doing. They do not stare, but the silence in the room is deafening; their stolen glances are painful. I am not sorry for what I did, I do not see how it is wrong, but nonetheless, I wither under their judging eyes. I cannot retreat to my room, not yet, I have too much pride, and life must still go on, yet each passing second urges me to get what I've come for and leave just as quickly. I grab a small plate of dinner with the hopes my appetite will soon return. As I leave, eyes averted, my father walks down the hallway. I pause at the beginning of it and wait for him to pass, the hallway being too narrow for the both of us. He does not say excuse me or offer any apology, the look he tosses at me proves that I am not worthy of that respect. Whilst feeling the betrayal and rejection of my humanity, I cast a longing gaze toward the rest of the family. They do not meet my eyes. With no words spoken, but everything being said, I rush to my room and close the door to suffer in silence. If I hadn't gotten caught..., I think, what did I do to warrant this?

Woah, that escalated quickly. This was my best take on how Hester feels, please let me know if I missed anything. Now, I understand in The Scarlet Letter, we know that Hester committed adultery, but I chose to leave out my crime so that my didactic story contained as few fallacies as possible (What up vocab. reference?) I also understand that to fully convey the emotions she felt, the story would need a lot more development. If any of you thought this actually happened, no worries, it didn't; my family is not that cold, and I love food wayyyy too much to lose my appetite and only take a small plate. I just wanted to try out a different introduction.

To get to the main point, I was thinking about how Hester and Dimmesdale are different. However, we're not going to talk about Dimmesdale for the sake of space. Any ways, Hester has her sin out in the open. She's suffering, each time someone looks at her, it hurts. I'm under the impression that she understands adultery is wrong (just like I, in my little story understood that what I did was wrong), but she feel she has done nothing to warrant this pain and suffering it--people--bring(s) her. So I asked myself (what is that beautiful house, Talking Heads anyone?) is she sorry she did it or is she sorry she got caught? I don't think she suffering only because she was caught, but I feel that if this love affair were to go on uninterrupted, she would not be phased, because like I said, I don't think she thinks what she's doing should be punished. She knows adultery is wrong, but I don't believe she feels that what she is doing is wrong. I don't think she can or wants to or is trying to make that connect. This all seems quite confusing, but Dimmesdale has not been found out, and differing from Hester, he feels immense pain. Maybe it's because she's in pain, maybe it's because he knows it's wrong. Regardless, I personally believe that Hester is completely unapologetic for what she did and cannot understand why the Puritans are being so unforgiving for something she feels is not wrong. Maybe my example will provide a better exposition that my explanation can give.